August 8, 2006

Ugh ... I am so annoyed. I started this very long post yesterday, but didn't get to finish it. When I returned to it later in the evening, it was somehow lost. That'll teach me not to save a draft!

So here I go again...

If I can get it all into one post, this'll be a long one. So get comfy, folks.

Friday was my appointment with Dr. Harden to talk about postpartum depression (PPD). She walked into the room, looked at me and said, "Not feeling well, huh?" My response was, "I have everything in the world to be happy about, yet I'm somehow miserable." She told me that this is classic PPD, that my body and brain have been through a lot and the adjustment is just taking time. She said, "Let's treat you." I emphatically agreed. A prescription for Zoloft, along with one for Xanax was given to me and I was out the door. No spilling my guts, no crying (for once!) and no justifying my needs. Just an understanding ear and someone who believes me. Why didn't I do this sooner?

I started on the meds that night and by Saturday morning, I was already feeling different. There was no euphoria or giddiness. In fact, I still have all of the same stresses. I still worry about the girls eating enough and I am still annoyed by Devin's incessant need to start every sentence with, "I want." But I'm coping with those little annoyances much better. I'm more patient, I'm less agitated and I'm all around nicer. I forgot what it felt like to feel like this. It's good to be back.

But onto bigger and better things.

Sunday was the Baptism day for Faith and Grace. I'd been anticipating this day for a long, long time. I was ready for them to be a part of our faith.

I knew the Mass would be special and I knew that Monsignor Fater would mention the situation with the girls and their miraculous entry into the world. But I had no idea it would go the way it went. I figured it would be the processional, the opening prayer, the Liturgy of the Word (readings from the Bible), Homily (sermon) and Baptism, Liturgy of the Eucharist, final prayer, final blessing and recessional. Bada bing, bada boom.

Boy, was I wrong. The Mass was totally about us.

Before the processional ever began, Monsiger reminded the congregation of the annointing he did on me and the babies back in March. He spoke of the healing power of Christ and how our prayers aren't to ask God to do soemthing for us, but to ask for faith that we know He will give to us what we need. Monsignor then asked Todd and I, along with the girls and their Godparents, Sylvia and Morris and Tyler and Linda to the font at the back of the church. He asked the standard question of what do you name them (although he asked, too, that we explain why we named them what we did) and what do you ask of the church today (that they be Baptised into the faith).

Then we sat down and the processional began. We jumped over the opening prayers, went straight to the Gloria (Glory to God in the Highest! Sing Glory to God!) and then into the Liturgy of the Word, where we read from the Old and New Testaments and from the Gospel.

The Gospel was on the Transfiguration of Christ. It was the time when Christ was visited by is apostles and as He prayed, His clothing turned to pure white and He was illuminated by Heaven. It's a big part of the Catholic faith.

After the reading of the Gospel, Father Fater spoke from the pulpit for a moment about Christ's snow-white clothing and the symbol of such in today's Baptisms (the girls wore Todd and my Baptismal gowns). He then talked about how Faith and Grace were only given a 30% chance of survival and how abortion was something that was suggested to us. Over and over again, he talked about the faith that Erin and Todd showed and how we are an inspiration. At one point, I wanted to crawl underneath the pew. It was a little embarassing, especially since I'm as much of a doubting Thomas as anyone else is.

Then, again, we, along with the Godparents, were invited to the font for the Baptism. I climbed the steps to the font and with Tyler and Linda's hands on my shoulders, I leaned Faith over the bowl. Monsignor whispered to me, "Which one is this?" and I had to laugh. I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't tell them apart. :)

Then, the water was poured over Faith's head three times, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I sobbed. I couldn't help it.

After the Baptism by water, Monsignor held Faith high above his head as the entire congregation sang, "Alleluia!" What a moment!

I stepped down from the font and the same process was done for Grace, with Todd holding her and Sylvia and Morris touching Todd. The water was poured out in the name of the Trinity and the crowd of witnesses singing Alleluia. Yes, I cried then too.

Then, on the steps of the font, both of the girls were annointed with the Chrism (holy oil) and the God parents were given the Baptismal candles lit from the Pascal (Easter) candle and were given the charge to be lifelong examples of faith to our girls. We sat down and the Mass continued.

But every part of the Mass made some metion of us. The Prayers of the Faithful were about the Pruetz family. The music was chosen by us (thanks to our wonderful next-door-neighbor and band-director). The blessing was over our family (we were asked to the altar for it, in front of everyone) and we were the recessional. It almost made me uncomfortable. I loved having so much attention showered on our girls, but it made me worry that the focus of the Mass, the Eucharist, may have been lost. But maybe it was just me. I was a little more wrapped up in it all than the rest of the congregation.

After Mass, we were greeted by dozens of friends and even some strangers. It took us a full hour to get out of the church! They actually turned the lights out on us! During it all, a woman approached me and said, "You don't know me, but the story and the Baptism touched me. Thank you for letting the community be a part of it."

It was so worth it. All of it.