A Year Ago Tonight...

I was all alone in room 159 of the Antepartum unit at Methodist Hospital. My day had been a traumatic one, leaving my two-year-old behind while he napped. I'd said goodbye to him as I tucked him in and he said to me, "You're leaving now?" I told him yes and he replied, "Now I'm going to cry." And he did. We both did.

I laid there that night, not sleeping much despite the prescription sleep aid and Vicodin I was given. I worried myself to death -- how would my family fair through all of this? Would Devin be traumatized? Would Todd? Would I? Would I ever meet my girls? If so, when? Would there be some sort of major set back in monitoring that would cause an emergency c-section? Would they survive? Would they be healthy, or would they face a lifetime of respiratory problems, vision problems, learning disabilities or retardation? How long would they be in the hospital? Would they come home at the same time? Was I ready for this?

It was a horrible night. I cried. A lot.

I remember commenting to Todd, on our way to the hospital this time last year, "I'll never forget April 17, 2006 for as long as I live. No matter what I'm doing on this day, throughout my life, I'll never forget April 17, 2006." I still believe that to be true.

I can't believe what a difference 365 days make. This time last year was such a horrible time of uncertainty and sadness. But it was also an awesome time of community and friendship. I never knew I was surrounded by so many wonderful people. God has blessed me abundantly.

Today, one year later, I'm a stay-at-home mom with three gorgeous kids. Devin is a kick in the pants who keeps me laughing and the twins -- labeled the "maybe babies" by Todd because they were such a maybe for so many months -- are perfectly healthy and developmentally sound. I'm not sure what I did to deserve all of this and I'm thankful every day for it.

Speaking in the present tense now, I'm back from my retreat and mostly rested up. No one goes on an ACTS Retreat and gets much rest and being a team member only exacerbates the problem. I was exhausted when I returned on Sunday.

But it was worth every moment of sleeplessness and late nights. We had 42 amazing women who really opened their hearts up to the Lord and His message. We couldn't have asked for a better group.

And we couldn't have asked for a better team, either. 24 incredible women who did exactly as they said they would do and made the weekend so special for so many. The retreat virtually ran itself. Tina -- the Director -- and I said, "Okay, it's time to move onto the next thing," and that's exactly what happened. Everybody moved onto the next thing. The team's organization and perserverance were amazing. I doubt it could have gone any better.

Upon our return to 11:00 Mass on Sunday, we had a united group of 68 women who sat together during Mass, spontaneously broke into song after Mass on the patio (our them song Companions on the Journey) and dined together on an incredible feast served by the rest of the Holy Trinity ACTS Community. It was amazing. Nothing short of God's work on Earth.

And now it's back to reality. But that's okay, because my reality is a good one. It's a great one, in fact.

It's night-night time for me. I'm going to bed. My own bed. Ahhhh...it's good to be home.