A Baby No Longer...

Last Saturday, May 19, my twin girls turned one year old. On that day, one year prior, they were born by urgent c-section and whisked away to the NICU where they would be diagnosed with heart problems and a staph infection. In the NICU they leared the things that we take for granted every day -- how to breathe, how to eat, how to maintain their body temperatures.

They spent five weeks there and came home at barely five pounds each and attached to heartrate and breathing monitors that went with us everywhere. Luckily, we didn't go too many places because we were told to keep them home for awhile and Todd, Devin and I all settled into a routine of very little sleep and learning how to deal with constant crying.

Slowly, the girls settled down. The crying 18 hours out of the day decreased to 12 and then five and so on. The babies went from sleeping two hours at a time to sleeping five hours and then seven and eight. They started solid foods and learned to drink from a sippy cup. They rolled over, sat up, crawled, pulled up and cruised. Just this weekend they started standing on their own. Soon, walking will commence. Then running.

In a way, this has been the longest, most difficult year of my life. I've worried constantly about illness and over-exposure to germs and bacteria. I've lost sleep, wondered how I'd make it through the day and have stressed about the future. Everything from the first day of Kindergarten to shopping for prom dresses has crossed my mind and brought tears to my eyes.

I've also stressed about this year of anniversaries. The anniversary of finding out we were pregnant. The anniversary of finding out we were having twins. The anniversary of the twins having only a 30% survival rate. The anniversary of my admission to the hospital and the annivesary of my very small, very fragile girls being born. Every milestone brought back memories of the stress and emotion that ruled our lives this time 365 days ago.

In a completely different way, though, this has been the most amazing and fastest year of my life. My girls -- my flesh and blood -- were brought into this world by a community of friends, family and complete strangers. My faith was strengthened, as was my relationship with Todd. I grew closer to my family and I learned a love that I didn't know could exist. It's a different love than that I feel for Devin -- it's no less or no more intense, but it's different. I look at Faith and Grace with awe, wonder and a humble heart. I wonder what I did to deserve them, yet I know that I won't get an answer until I die.

I can remember everything about the twins' birth, hospital stay and homecoming like it was yesterday. I recently ran across the dresses they wore home from Methodist Hospital and it was a reminder to me just how far they've come.

So, according to the medical community, my now one-year-olds are no longer babies. They are toddlers, even if they aren't quite toddling yet.

But they are still my babies, in just about every sense. They are still so tiny and so baby-like. I get lots of looks when we go places because no on has ever seen a six-month-old pull up and cruise around furniture. I have to tell them that they are much older than they look.

They'll always be my babies, too. I'll always hold them a little tighter and a little closer, not only because of their remarkable and scary journey, but because they are my youngest. They'll always be babies.

Moving On...

This weekend we celebrated Faith and Grace's first year by going to Concan, TX on the Frio River. This is an out-of-the-way, tiny little town that sits right along one of the most scenic waterways in Texas. Todd and his family have been going there since he was four years old. We stayed at Neal's Lodges, also a family tradition in the Pruetz family. Todd's parents arrived with us on Saturday and Todd's sister, Jill, and her boyfriend, Tom, joined us yesterday (Sunday).

The trip wasn't without incident, though.

Todd, myself and the kiddos arrived at Cabin 21 before the rest of the family. I reached into the back and got Faith out of her carseat. Immediately, I knew something was wrong. She was burning up.

We got all of our "stuff" into the cabin and I found my digital thermometer. I took Faith's temperature and it read, "103.1."

Now when I mentioned that Concan is out-of-the-way, I meant it. It's nowhere near any large cities and we were at a loss for where to go or what to do.

Luckily, Todd's parents showed up soon after and advised us to take our little girl into the closest town-of-significance, Uvalde (pronounced you-VAL-dee). You may have heard of this town, as a man by the name of Matthew Mcconaughey makes reference to it every chance he gets -- he grew up there.

So Todd and I left Gracie and Devin with my in-laws and we trekked 25 miles to the Uvalde Memorial Hospital Emergency Room. Luckily, we were seen quickly and Faith was diagnosed with a double ear infection. We were given a prescription and instructions for care and we headed back to Neal's Lodges.

What a way to spend your first birthday, huh?

Back at the cabin, Todd's mom, Dorothy, had prepared a little party for the girls. Princess plates and napkins, a cake and some toys. It was very special and while Gracie dived into her cake like any self-respecting kiddo on her birthday, Faith dumped the cake on the floor in an effort to chew on her plate. She was totally unimpressed with the confection before her. I had to wonder, "Is this really my child?"

We continued alternating Tylenol and Advil through the night, trying to make Faith feel better. Her fever would seem to break and then come back with a vengence.

By Sunday afternoon, though, Faith really took a turn for the worse. She stopped eating and her fever wouldn't respond to any of the medications we gave her. About 8:00 last night, Todd and I decided I should take her home to see her own doctor while Todd and Devin stayed behind. I promised Todd that I would come back on Tuesday to retrieve him. Devin will return on Wednesday with Jill.

I left one of the car seats with Todd, just in case, and made the two-hour trek back to San Antonio. We arrived in our neighborhood around 10:00 and I decided to go directly to Good Night Pediatrics -- an after-hours pediatrician's office. This place is a God-send if your kids are like mine, who only get sick on the weekends or after 5:00 pm.

We were seen by a doctor very quickly and sure enough, Faith's ears were really infected. On top of that, it seems that there is a viral infection going around that is causing high fevers, decreased appetite and lethargy and Faith managed to get it, too.

Of course, there isn't anything that can be done for a viral infection, so while the trip was peace-of-mind for me, we didn't get any new information on my poor, sick girl.

So my baby slept all night long and napped all morning. Around noon, I got a phone call from Todd who said, "Grace has a 102 fever. Dad is driving us home." Thank goodness I left that car seat...

Sure enough, Gracie just isn't herself. She's not interested in eating, either (a big deal for her, since we sometimes fear that if she gets hungry enough, she may eat her sister), and is just kind of a slug. I guess we'll just wait for this to run its course with her, too. I'm wondering when Devin will get it.

Todd and Grace got here just fine and Todd's dad immediately turned around. After he left, I asked Todd why he didn't go back with his dad and he told me that he didn't want to leave me with two sick babies. I told him that this is when they are they easiest -- they sleep all the time. I urged him to go and he did.

So tonight, it's just us girls. I bathed Faith and Grace and had some play time with them. I put them down and am now enjoying some, "Erin time." It's nice, but I don't think I'd want this all the time. I miss my boys.

Well, this has been quite a post. I hope you had a snack nearby, because surely this took you some time to read. Thanks for bearing with me.

Take care and watch out for that virus -- it's a biggie.

E