August 24, 2006

I've been trying for a couple of days now to get some new photos up on the blog: the girls, Devin, the girls' room (a work of art from Todd), etc, but Blogger.com is having problems getting my photos uploaded. So, until then, you'll have to bear with just words. :)

Devin's Doozie

For the past couple of weeks, Devin has been talking about something that he sees out of his window on our next door neighbors' roof. Two or three times a week, he calls me upstairs after we've put him to bed to tell me about whatever it is he is seeing.

Last night, I got the usual call and I met Devin at the top of the stairs. I asked him what he wanted and he said, "There's that thing on the Kuklas' roof. It's sticking out and wiggling around!" Of course, I have no idea what he means, but I go to investigate anyway.

As I proceed down the hall, Devin runs ahead of me and disappears around the corner, chattering the whole way about the subject at hand.

As I round the corner, he's standing at the door to his bedroom, waiting for me. I asked him, "Now what is it you're seeing?"

"It's a thing on the roof and it's popping out and it's freaking me out!"

On a completely different note

Just when we thought life had finally calmed down for the Pruetz family, we were dealt another tough hand. On Monday afternoon, USAA decided to pull the plug on the position they created for Todd only two months ago, leaving Todd without a job. No severence, no opportunities elsewhere -- nothing. Just, "Pack it up and thanks."

Needless to say, we're freaking out. It's pretty hard to live on zero income. Todd's got some good leads from Accenture, his former employer, and we're hoping that one will pan out ... soon.

If you have any suggestions, we're open them. We're open to anything right now.

And one last thing...

We still haven't figured out what it is that Devin is seeing each night out of his bedroom window. So, to placate him, I have named this unknown (and unseen to Todd and me) object a "flootenschpiel."

August 17, 2006

Extolling the virtues of the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

It happened again. My wonderfully talented and artistic son took ink to furniture this morning. This time it was indellible marker (not a Sharpie, but one of those big, round, encased-in-aluminum markers with big, fat, felt tips -- you know, the ones you can smell from a mile away) on my mother's antique hutch. I have a number of things of my mom's since her death in 2003, but this hutch is my favorite. It was one of her favorites, too, as it always held antique family photos and knick-knacks. I used to love to open the glass doors and look at the pictures of my mom and dad as little kids or read my grandmother's diary from the 1930s.

Needless to say, I went berserk. He was sent to his room, while I cried for a few minutes. Then I went upstairs, told him in quite a few loud words why he was in trouble and then took every toy out of his room. Even his rocking horse and pillows went. He's been on his bed now for about an hour and I just served him his lunch of crackers, a slice of American cheese and water. Now it's nap time. I'm not foolin' around here -- he needs to know just how much trouble he is in. I think he's getting the picture.

Once I calmed down, I Googled (as my friend Meg said, "I can't believe Google is a verb!), "Getting marker out of finished furniture," and the first site that came up was Thrifty Fun. I found a posting that said that someone had had a similar experience with their kid and had gotten the ink out with the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

I had one under my sink downstairs, but thought, "This will never work." But I gave it a shot and wouldn't you know it -- the darn thing worked! Every last bit of ink is gone!

So, for all of you with kids or spouses who act like kids, these things are worth their weight in gold. They clean everything! Run out and buy some today (hint: Target has their own brand for about 50% of the cost) and keep them around for everything from smudges on your floors to ink on your furniture. You won't be disappointed!

E

August 16, 2006

Devin's Doozie

Boy do I have a good one for today. In fact, barring any future ridiculous words coming out of my son's mouth, this one may take the cake as the funniest of all toddler sayings.

But first, you'll need some background.

Recently, we've had a lot of talk of Jesus in our house. We try to talk often about God and Jesus and the very basics of Catholicsm and Christianity, but in recent days, there's been more talk than usual, due to the girls' Baptism. We've talked about Jesus' love for us and how the girls were Baptised into His church just like Devin was when he was a baby. He's very interested in it all.

There's also been a lot of talk about weddings lately. I recently pulled out our wedding album and Devin is very taken with the special clothes and food and flowers and such. He's commented on the tuxedos, the bridesmaids dresses, the flower girls' dresses and my wedding dress.

Finally, Aunt Jill was in town last night. Jill is Todd's sister who is a professor of Anthropology at Iowa State University. She spends half of her time teaching Anthropology up North and the other half of her time teaching a field school in Senegal in Western Africa. Needless to say, we don't get to see her very often and when she is in town, it's a big deal. Devin just loves her (we all do!) and he had a great time playing with her last night. After spending the summer in Senegal, she's headed back to Ames, Iowa today to start the fall semester.

Okay, all of that being said, I can get on with the story.

Devin took a shower with me this morning -- it's his new ritual. When we got out, I wrapped my towel around me in the usual female fashion: under the arms, covering from underneath my shoulders down to above my knees. Devin asked if he could please have a towel wrapped around him in the same fashion.

So I grabbed Todd's towel and did the same for the munchkin. He took one look at himself and said, "It's like a wedding dress!" I agreed and we talked for a minute about weddings. I asked him who mommy is married to. His answer was pricesless:

Aunt Jesus

Have a great day!

August 14, 2006

It's the first day of school in San Antonio -- at least in the Northeast Independent School District. So all of my neighbors' kids have gone off to their respective educational buildings. They range from their first day of Kindergarten up to their second year of middle school. One started her first day of middle school in the 6th grade today and left the house in nervous tears.

It gets me thinking (as it would any mom): How am I going to deal with this in two years? Ugh...the thought of my little boy being big enough to go to school is enough to make me want to crawl in bed and stay there all day. I just want him to stay little for the rest of his life.

And what about when I have to say goodbye to two at once? And return to an empty house? Devin will be in the 3rd grade when the twins go to Kindergarten. I'm going to need a job.

I'm already having a hard time with the fact that Devin is now signed up for pre-schooler religious education classes at church. I just can't believe he's old enough for this. Time goes too quickly.

But enough of that. I could "what if..." this until I'm blue in the face.

We're all doing very here in Pruetzland. The girls are doing so well, especially sleeping at night. They consistently go six or seven hours each night -- that's HUGE for babies who are technically only three weeks old (it's call correcting back -- gestationally, they would have only been born three weeks ago. They'll always have a two month grace period for their development). All of this makes for a much happier Erin.

Devin is doing well, too. We nearly had potty training down before I entered the hospital in April, but he reverted back to diapers before I got home. Our doctor suggested a month or two with the babies at home before we tried again, so we're just now back to going to the big boy potty. I thought it would be like starting over, but he seems to have a pretty firm grasp of what to do. In fact, in the time that I've been typing we've made two trips to the potty -- one for tee-tee and one for poo-poo. I think we're well on our way.

The only real roadblock we have is that when he gets to playing with his friends or running around outside, he doesn't think about the sensations and has accidents. Any suggestions on getting over that?

So there is the excitement from our neck of the woods. It's not exciting stuff to the rest of the world, but it sure is good stuff to us.

E

PS - So my blog has become eligible for an advertising campaign. Hence the ads at the tops of the pages. They'll stay small for now, but depending on how successful they are, they may get bigger. Ignore them if you want to. Click if you want to. I hope you don't mind.

August 8, 2006

Ugh ... I am so annoyed. I started this very long post yesterday, but didn't get to finish it. When I returned to it later in the evening, it was somehow lost. That'll teach me not to save a draft!

So here I go again...

If I can get it all into one post, this'll be a long one. So get comfy, folks.

Friday was my appointment with Dr. Harden to talk about postpartum depression (PPD). She walked into the room, looked at me and said, "Not feeling well, huh?" My response was, "I have everything in the world to be happy about, yet I'm somehow miserable." She told me that this is classic PPD, that my body and brain have been through a lot and the adjustment is just taking time. She said, "Let's treat you." I emphatically agreed. A prescription for Zoloft, along with one for Xanax was given to me and I was out the door. No spilling my guts, no crying (for once!) and no justifying my needs. Just an understanding ear and someone who believes me. Why didn't I do this sooner?

I started on the meds that night and by Saturday morning, I was already feeling different. There was no euphoria or giddiness. In fact, I still have all of the same stresses. I still worry about the girls eating enough and I am still annoyed by Devin's incessant need to start every sentence with, "I want." But I'm coping with those little annoyances much better. I'm more patient, I'm less agitated and I'm all around nicer. I forgot what it felt like to feel like this. It's good to be back.

But onto bigger and better things.

Sunday was the Baptism day for Faith and Grace. I'd been anticipating this day for a long, long time. I was ready for them to be a part of our faith.

I knew the Mass would be special and I knew that Monsignor Fater would mention the situation with the girls and their miraculous entry into the world. But I had no idea it would go the way it went. I figured it would be the processional, the opening prayer, the Liturgy of the Word (readings from the Bible), Homily (sermon) and Baptism, Liturgy of the Eucharist, final prayer, final blessing and recessional. Bada bing, bada boom.

Boy, was I wrong. The Mass was totally about us.

Before the processional ever began, Monsiger reminded the congregation of the annointing he did on me and the babies back in March. He spoke of the healing power of Christ and how our prayers aren't to ask God to do soemthing for us, but to ask for faith that we know He will give to us what we need. Monsignor then asked Todd and I, along with the girls and their Godparents, Sylvia and Morris and Tyler and Linda to the font at the back of the church. He asked the standard question of what do you name them (although he asked, too, that we explain why we named them what we did) and what do you ask of the church today (that they be Baptised into the faith).

Then we sat down and the processional began. We jumped over the opening prayers, went straight to the Gloria (Glory to God in the Highest! Sing Glory to God!) and then into the Liturgy of the Word, where we read from the Old and New Testaments and from the Gospel.

The Gospel was on the Transfiguration of Christ. It was the time when Christ was visited by is apostles and as He prayed, His clothing turned to pure white and He was illuminated by Heaven. It's a big part of the Catholic faith.

After the reading of the Gospel, Father Fater spoke from the pulpit for a moment about Christ's snow-white clothing and the symbol of such in today's Baptisms (the girls wore Todd and my Baptismal gowns). He then talked about how Faith and Grace were only given a 30% chance of survival and how abortion was something that was suggested to us. Over and over again, he talked about the faith that Erin and Todd showed and how we are an inspiration. At one point, I wanted to crawl underneath the pew. It was a little embarassing, especially since I'm as much of a doubting Thomas as anyone else is.

Then, again, we, along with the Godparents, were invited to the font for the Baptism. I climbed the steps to the font and with Tyler and Linda's hands on my shoulders, I leaned Faith over the bowl. Monsignor whispered to me, "Which one is this?" and I had to laugh. I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't tell them apart. :)

Then, the water was poured over Faith's head three times, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I sobbed. I couldn't help it.

After the Baptism by water, Monsignor held Faith high above his head as the entire congregation sang, "Alleluia!" What a moment!

I stepped down from the font and the same process was done for Grace, with Todd holding her and Sylvia and Morris touching Todd. The water was poured out in the name of the Trinity and the crowd of witnesses singing Alleluia. Yes, I cried then too.

Then, on the steps of the font, both of the girls were annointed with the Chrism (holy oil) and the God parents were given the Baptismal candles lit from the Pascal (Easter) candle and were given the charge to be lifelong examples of faith to our girls. We sat down and the Mass continued.

But every part of the Mass made some metion of us. The Prayers of the Faithful were about the Pruetz family. The music was chosen by us (thanks to our wonderful next-door-neighbor and band-director). The blessing was over our family (we were asked to the altar for it, in front of everyone) and we were the recessional. It almost made me uncomfortable. I loved having so much attention showered on our girls, but it made me worry that the focus of the Mass, the Eucharist, may have been lost. But maybe it was just me. I was a little more wrapped up in it all than the rest of the congregation.

After Mass, we were greeted by dozens of friends and even some strangers. It took us a full hour to get out of the church! They actually turned the lights out on us! During it all, a woman approached me and said, "You don't know me, but the story and the Baptism touched me. Thank you for letting the community be a part of it."

It was so worth it. All of it.

August 3, 2006

I've been debating for awhile whether or not I'd post about this subject. The truth is, it's not easy to talk about. In fact, it's downright embarassing if you are the person going through it and for weeks I've thought to myself, "This is my own, private issue. Why do I need to invite the rest of the world to hear all about it?"

Then, of course, I realized that if I'm going to write a blog that is about me and my family, I'd better be open to putting it all out there. So here it goes.

Postpartum depression.

Depression as a whole gets a bad rap. It's one of those illnesses that you can't see -- nothing is outwardly, physically wrong and nothing will show up on an x-ray, MRI or CT Scan. So, if you can't see it, there's a possibility that it may not exist. Right?

Well, yes, I guess so. But there are zillions of things we can't see but that we know exist. Air, for example. We can't see it, but we're sure it's there.

So then you put a qualifier on depression: Postpartum. What does that mean? That having a baby can make you depressed? Even in the time in your life when you should be the most happy?

Well, yes, I guess so, again.

But, again, it's all about believing even when you can't see it. And the truth is, depression exists. I am here to tell you that postpartum depression exists for sure.

Life here hasn't been peachy keen. I'll start out by saying that I am enormously happy to have my wonderful husband, my precious son and my darling daughters. I always wanted this life and I've got it. I am happy underneath it all.

But this cloud has been hanging over me since the girls were born. It seems that I just can't pull myself out of a funk. If I'm not worried about ridiculously huge medical bills, then I'm concerned about college funds and 529 plans. And if I'm not out driving my mini-van around, then I'm at home wondering why I ever bothered with a college education from SMU.

Sadly, the girls are sometimes a reminder to me of how different life has become. I wouldn't use the word resentment, but I would say that I sometimes mourn the loss of my once-life.

Before the girls got here, life wsa perfect. I had a part-time job for a great company. It gave me a perfect balance of being an educated career woman and a mommy. I made great money, as did Todd, and Devin and I got tons of time together. We were really bonding.

Devin was just getting to the potty-training stage and he was really becoming fun to take places like the zoo or museums or Sea World. Life seemed perfect.

But now, here I am, starting at square one again. Diapers upon diapers. Not really being able to go anywhere. A schedule that changes from day to day (I'm a slave to a schedule and I like things to go in the same order each day). Colic. Sleeping on the couch. Breast pumps and diaper bags just to go next door. Days when I never step foot outside the house.

I thought I was done with those days.

At first, it all seemed fine. I could deal with two kids crying at once and one toddler pulling on my leg. Right?

But as time went on, I noticed I was losing it more and more. I was lashing out at Devin and even grumbling hard words about the girls. What kind of mother was I being? I knew something was wrong, but like I said before, it's an embarassing thing to admit and I wasn't ready to say I needed help.

The past few days have really been what have pushed me over the edge, though. For some reason, I just haven't been able to cope. The constant crying is like nails on a chalkboard. I never get time alone and that makes me irritable. My house is a mess and that makes me jittery. I've taken it out on Todd and have sparked some pretty colorful arguments. I'm mean. I'm nasty. I'm just not the person I want to be. I'm not the person I know I am.

I woke up at 3:00 this morning to feed the girls and as soon as I realized I was awake, I started to cry. Sleep is my only reprieve from this life-that-I-always-wanted-but-somehow-hate and I wasn't asleep anymore. I was having to face it all. Again. I fed the girls through my tears and then paced the downstairs of the house.

I stared at the front door: Should I stay or should I go? Right now, in the dark of night, I could walk out that door and never return. I could walk away from all of this and start over.

I stood for 15 minutes or so between the front door and the staircase and thought about the decision I had to make. Walk out now and never return, or go upstairs, wake up Todd and tell him how I feel.

Needless to say, I went upstairs. In the light of day, I know I would have never walked out the door. But at 4:00 a.m., it was a real possibility.

I woke up Todd and sobbed and sobbed until I was out of tears. I told him everything -- that this is not at all what I expected and that I wanted to walk out the door and never return. I told him that I love my kids with a burning fierceness, but that they're making me miserable. I told him that I feel guilty for all of this and believe that I am not worthy of having such wonderful blessings if I'm just going to turn my nose up at them.

Finally I told him, "I need help."

He cried along with me. You see, Todd suffers from clinical depression, which isn't situational like mine, but rather caused by a chemical imbalance. He knows the depths of sorrow, despair and worthlessness that comes with depression. He commiserated with me on my feelings and my darkest emotions. He was my rock, as he as always been.

So, this morning, I called my doctor and left a message for her nurse, Monica, who I love.

Monica called me back and took my feelings very seriously. She said, "Erin, I know you are busy, but this is serious. Postpartum depression is a very real, very painful thing and untreated, it can do awful things to you. Please don't go another day without coming in. Can you come in today?"

I was going to Yoakum to pick up Devin, but I set an appointment for 8:30 tomorrow morning.

Whew. I said it. Take it or leave it, this is me. Postpartum depression does exist and it can make your life miserable. I have been so reluctant to get help or even talk about it because I thought the world would think less of me.

But then I thought about my friends who have sought help for their own psycological issues and how brave I thought they were for doing so. If they could be brave, I can be brave, too. I owe this to Todd, to me, to my kids and to my family.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Erin

PS - On a completely different note... My cell phone is on the fritz and apparently has been for weeks. It won't charge and on the off-chance that it does, it won't hold the charge. It's also been withholding my messages and I have an untold number of messages waiting for me. If you've left me a message in the last five weeks or so, but I have not returned it, please don't think that it's because I'm ignoring you; it's because I didn't know you called. Try me at home if you need me.

August 2, 2006

Good morning!

Once again, things are going well here in San Antonio, TX. I took my first real adventure by myself with all three kids on Monday.

After getting up and having breakfast, we all piled into the minivan and headed off to the thriving metropolis of Yoakum, TX where Todd's parents live. The DVD system kept Devin happy for the hour-and-forty-five-minute drive while the twins slept most of the way. We arrived at Grandma and Grandpa's house around 11:30 and had lunch together. Dorothy and Orville spent time cuddling the girls while I enjoyed having people there to give me a break from the constant holding and rocking that I do during the day!

Around 3:30, the girls and I packed it up and headed home, leaving Devin to spend three nights with his grandparents. He wasn't exactly despondent at my leaving. He all but said, "Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Mom." Well, at least I know he's happy and having a good time. I talked to him twice yesterday and he was eager to tell me about their trip to Dairy Queen and how he pet a baby cow at cousin Ronnie's house. Oh the life of a toddler...

So things are relatively quiet around here. The girls are doing well, but have become pretty colicky lately. Around 5:00 each day, the crying starts and it usually doesn't end until 9:00 or 10:00. I hope this phase is over soon...my nerves are pretty frayed!

I got the following email from my high school friend, Christi, last week. I asked her if I could share it on my blog, as I thought it was one of the funniest things I've ever read. She perfectly captured the essense of mommyhood with little ones in tow.

Enjoy!


The life of the our family is hilarious to an outsider and an exercise in humility and futility! Let me tell you what I have done today.

Got up at 6:47 because the 2 year old has somehow gotten into bed with us and now at first light is AWAKE and hungry and wants to watch Dora. All of this is told to me in a loud voice, luckily not quite loud enough to wake the baby. Dodged a bullet, there!

Baby and husband awaken about an hour later.

Baby is handed to me smelly and starving while Mr. Wonderful hops in the shower (hmm, what's a shower? Sounds nice...) Just after one clean bum is managed, I notice a leak from the older child's bum. EEKKK!

Our goal is to hit the gym at 11, so where are my gym things?

Time for baby's cereal and down he goes for a nap at 10 - just enough time to clean up the toys and do last night's dishes. Oh, yeah and get dressed, pack a diaper bag, and a backpack with enough supplies for the childwatch at the Y.

On our way to the Y, the 2 year old thinks it will be fun to change his sippy into a big boy cup and the baby says no thank you to a bottle. The handoff at the Y is good for the baby, but the toddler cannot believe that I would like to get away from him. He cries, I feel bad but leave anyway.

I log into the gym, but find that I have not been there in so long that they have deactivated my settings! Wasn't I just here, oh wait no I wasn't.

But, back on the elliptical since "fat is NOT the new skinny" for fall! It will take 24 hours for the reset. Oh well, I work out anyway managing about 50 mins of cardio before almost collapsing in an unfit heap on the floor.

Home again for lunch and NAP! Today was an excellent nap day for everyone so I have no complaints about that! I love good nap days about as much as Christmas.

AACCCKK. Older child just informed me that baby likes oranges in his hair and is eating Chex mix--is that gagging sounds I hear from living room? Better investigate..

July 28, 2006

I took this photo of the girls last night. It's not as easy to see as it was in real life, but I walked into the girls' room after their baths and found them all cuddled up, Grace with her head resting on Faith's shoulder.



Cuteness factor on a scale of 1 to 10: 907.

And a Devin's Doozie for you...

As the girls slept peacefully in their crib yesterday evening and after Devin was tucked securely into bed, Todd and I settled in to watch our favorite TV shows, "The Office" and "My Name is Earl."

We were interrupted numerous times, though, as Devin kept coming to the top of the stairs to give us an update on what his friends were doing in the yard outside of his window. He couldn't stand it that they were all out there playing while he was in bed. Who can blame him?

At one point, we thought he'd finally gone to bed for good, but heard a voice from the stairs. There he was, sitting on the steps (for Lord knows how long), watching the TV with us. We told him, AGAIN, to go to bed and he was silent for awhile. Moments later, though, he spoke again.

"I have stinky on my finger."

*Laughter from Mom and Dad*

Todd: "Why do you have stinky on your finger?" not really sure what it was he was talking about.

Devin: "Because I got poop on it!"

My wondeful husband went to investigate. I owe him.

Have a great weekend!

E

PS - The girls did two (count 'em, TWO) five-and-a-half hout stints last night. One from 9 pm to 2:30 am and one from 2:30 am to 8:00 am. I feel like a new woman!

An hour or so later...

I was going through some photos and realized that I have quite a few cute ones to share. Why not just post them now? Enjoy!



Have you ever seen more identical identical twins? We have to paint Faith's toenails to tell them apart.




Life in the Boppies.




Feeding time at the zoo.




My very glamorous life (check out the hair and makeup, too. Aren't I a beut?).

July 27, 2006

I just had to make sure I found time to blog today because I have exciting news: Grace made her first of many delighted squeals!

Each night, we bathe the girls, one after another. While the first one is bathed, the second is placed in the crib to watch the crib toys and wait patiently (hah!). Then, we switch.

Well, tonight, Grace went first. After her bath, I lotioned her, diapered her and jammied her. Into the crib she went, and Faith came out.

I got Faith bathed and as I walked from the bathroom into the nursery, I heard Grace let out a screetch. I braced for the usual onslaught of screams that were sure to follow, but nothing but silence ensued. I turned toward the crib to see her, and she was just happily watching the crib aquarium (thanks Beach family -- thank you note is forthcoming, I swear!). I laughed, thinking it must have been a fluke, but two more times while I was getting Faith ready for bed, the same sound was uttered from behind me! She was happy with her aquarium and was telling us all about it!

I called Todd and Devin to come in, but when Devin ran into the room, he scared Grace and her happy coos turned to angry screams. So much for that. But it was sure fun while it lasted.

In munchkin news...

I took the girls for their upper GIs today (more on that later) and while I did, good friend and neighbor, Gina, took Devin for me. But she didn't just watch him -- she took him to Six Flags Fiesta Texas! She, Devin and her three girls (ten-year-old twin daughters McKenna and Jordyn and six-year-old Alyssa) all ventured to the theme park and rode all of the kiddie rides! Devin was a trooper, from what I hear, and was ready to try everything! He came home around 1:15 and was so tired that he never gave a fuss to taking a nap. He just marched up the stairs and climbed into bed without so much as a, "But Mommy..." Nearly for hours later, returned downstairs and told me, "I had a good nap!"

The upper GI outing was a hoot, too. I got the girls there at 9:00 and, as promised, they had been fasting for more than five hours. Needless to say, I arrived with some pretty angry babies. The nurse immediately took me to the back where the girls could scream without bringing everyone in the waiting room to their knees. While back there, the nurses flocked to them like ugly on an ape. At one point, the doctor came looking for his nurses because they were all in the back cooing over Faith and Grace. Even in a bad mood, they still charm the socks off of everyone they meet.

They were taken to the exam room, given their Barium bottles (now I know why they wanted them to fast - no one would drink that stuff unless they were famished) and were studied beneath the x-ray. The doctor said all looked fine, which was great news. Hopefully, the reflux can be treated with medication and be put under control soon.

When we returned home, it was only 10:30. Knowing that Devin wasn't due home for another two hours or so and having some pretty sleepy girls (they cried themselves into a hungry frenzy and tired themselves out!), I settled into the couch. I watched some TV, read my book, dozed off, had lunch, dozed some more, read my book and then greeted Devin. It was awesome! It was the first, peaceful, to-myself day I have had in a long, long time. It was just what I needed. I'm feeling good.

Well, Devin has built a space ship out of pillows on my bed and apparently I am the next passenger on the trip to school (he isn't quite aware of outter space yet). I must hop in for my trek.

Bon voyage,
E

July 26, 2006

This may be an all-time low for me. Ten days since my last post. Ugh. I'm so ashamed.

Just like all of my other too-long-in-between posts, my lack of information is due to lack of information. Things are going along just swimmingly around here with no real news.

The girls are doing great. They had their two-month check-up last Friday and Faith weighed in at 7 lbs, with Grace weighing a whopping 7.5 lbs. They weigh more now than Devin did when he was born! I'm very proud!

Both are experiencing a little bit of reflux that is causing them to spit up and cry after just about every meal. Fantastic. They are on reflux medication and are having Upper GIs done tommorrow morning just to check and make sure it's not something caused by an anatomical defect. I'm not worried.

The past two weeks have been tough, though. I'm starting to get a little stir-crazy around here. All day long, I either have someone crying for me or whining at me. I rarely get more than 15 minutes of silence (that's total, not at a time) and by the end of the day, I'm ready to pull my hair out. I don't see Todd very often, as all of our time in the evenings is spent tag-teaming with the girls while getting Devin ready for bed and getting them bathed. It usually takes from around 5:30 when Todd gets home until around 8:30 or 9:00 to get everything finished that we need to get finished -- just in time for him to go to bed so he can get in a few solid hours of sleep before his shift starts around 3:00 or 4:00.

I have to admit, I'm a little frustrated. Wait...I'll take that back. I'm a lot frustrated. I know this isn't forever, but I'm the kind of person who can really appreciate some good quiet time. Obviously, quiet time isn't something I get much of and it's starting to get to me. This is more than a full-time job (what did I expect?) and I'm pretty burned out already.

I have to keep reminding myself that it won't be like this forever. These fussy, colicky days aren't around forever and, when you look at it on a time line, three or so months is a tiny blip on the radar. But when you're in the middle of it, having not slept in your bed in over a month, it seems like an eternity.

Please don't get me wrong, here, though...I wouldn't change this for anything. I love my girls and my little boy. I love my husband and my title. I wouldn't change anything. It's just weird to be so happy and so miserable all at the same time.

Anyone got any happy pills? I like the ones that say "Prozac" on them. :)

Luckily, I have the support of great friends and family. Todd and I went out on a date on Saturday while friends Tyler and Linda watched the three devils...er, children.

We went down the street to Trilogy Pizza and Wine Bistro where we had a glass of wine and split a salad and a pizza. Bliss. No interruptions! They are a cool little place

Afterwards, we headed next door to my favorite place in the neighborhood, Copa Wine Bar and Tasting Room. This place has an enormous selection of all types of wine and is one of these establishments with big, cushy chairs and comfy couches. It has a relaxed atmosphere, but one that is sophisticated and warm. Jeff and Angie, the owners, know their regulars by name (should I admit that I am one of them?) and are always willing to give you a few tastings to help you find the wine of your dreams. I could live there. Check them out at www.copawinebar.com.

After a glass of wine and a slice of cheesecake, we drove north toward Spect's Store, a typical Hill Country restaurant with live music on the weekends out on their big patio. But as we walked across the gravel parking lot, we heard the lead-singer of the band say, "Good night! You've been a great audience!" Nevermind.

We headed home and enjoyed the few moments left of silence as we approached the house. It was a great night out. I loved reconnecting with Todd and having a conversation with him that wasn't interrupted by anything more than, "Another glass of wine, ma'am?"

I guess that's all for now. I'll try to be better about posting, although between the spitting up, the crying and the whining, I don't have much time these days. But I'll do what I can. Thanks for the patience.

With love,
Moi

Devin's Doozie

Devin was playing on one of the ottomans in our living room last night. In true three-year-old style, he got a little rambunctious and fell of the ottoman, hitting his foot on the end table that sits nearby.

Of course, crying ensued and Todd picked him up to comfort him. Through the sobbing, he looked into the kitchen, saw the fruit sitting on the counter and said in a miserable, more-tears-than-necessary voice, "I want a banana to make me feel better!"

July 16, 2006

It didn't really occur to me to post today. In fact, the day has seemed pretty ordinary to me. Church this morning, come home, have some friends over for a Sunday afternoon bbq, take a rest, have dinner, bathe the kids and relax. Seems like a typical Sunday to me...

I just talked to my dad, though, and as I was going through my day, I realized that this is not really such an ordinary day at all.

First of all, today (or tomorrow, depending on who you ask -- Dr. Harden or Dr. Higby), would have been the girls' due date. If I had gone 40 weeks, they'd just now be arriving. Instead, they were born shy of 32 weeks and yet, are still perfectly healthy young ladies. Two of God's miracles.

But even more profound was Mass today. It was our first church outing with the girls. The doctors recommended that the girls not be taken out in public for a few weeks. We dutifully kept them in, but I asked our pediatrican on Thursday (who is also a personal friend, parishioner and ACTS sister) if we could take the girls to church and she said, "Oh yes...they're free to go wherever!"

So that was it. We planned on 9:00 Mass on Sunday.

And so, we were up and getting ready at 7:00 this morning. We were at church at 8:30 to make sure Devin got a spot in the all-too-crowded nursery and were in the pews at 8:45. As friends and fellow parishioners trickled in, people began to notice Faith and Grace. Lots of hugs, kisses and well-wishes. The couple sitting behind us, who we do not know, both gave us the Sign of Peace at the appropriate time, but along with saying "Peace be with you," also said to us, "And sleep too..." It was great.

It took us a long time to get out of Mass, as we greeted quite a few friends. We finally got into the van and as we were leaving the parking lot, Todd said something so profound.

"This was closure."

That statement rang in my ears all day. This really was closure. In February, our community learned of our devastating diagnosis and began praying for us feverishly. They sat with us as we cried, held our hands during scary doctors' appointments and begged the Lord for mercy. He heard them and He answered our prayers. The girls arrived safely.

But they arrived not without complications. Five weeks in the NICU brought more prayers and offers of help. Friends from all over came to visit and support us. Faith got sick and our community waited with baited breath as they wondered with us if she'd recover or not. Complete strangers who read this blog offered help, advice and love. Phone calls rolled in one after another as friends and family called daily for updates. We were surrounded and found out quickly just who our friends really were.

The girls came home and joy rang out in our house. But again, there were stipulations. Don't take them out in public. Restrict visitors. Don't let anyone touch them. We felt like it would never end.

But finally, today, our girls met the community that brought them here. I believe in God, I believe God and I believe in prayer. My girls are proof that it works.

I know that Faith's and Grace's Baptisms on August 6 will also be a meaningful and faith-filled experience for us ... but today, as we introduced our twins to the men and women who made sure they got here, I felt that same feeling that Todd expressed so perfectly: Closure.

All we can say is thank you...

E

Side Note

I put up a post on Friday afternoon, but then Friday evening added another one. If you haven't read the post from July 14 and/or the one titled, "Urgent Prayer Request," please do so. Once again, my family needs you.

Oh, and Kathie Barrett -- I have your red bowl. If we don't set up a time for me to give it to you soon, I just may keep it, even though I know someone made it for you. It's so pretty and matches my decor perfectly! :) I may be persuaded to give it back in exchange for the recipe of the chicken-pasta salad that Charlie made to fill it...

Urgent Prayer Request

Throughout my blog, I've written about my sister, ZZ, and have mentioned her daughter, Presley, who will be four in September.

If you haven't heard me talk about it, Presley has some behavioral issues. We've laughed about them for years, but recently it's gone far beyond funny. It's safe to say that she's out of control. ZZ and Brian became worried when Presley started to exhibit even more weird behavior: In the middle of a sentence or action, she'd stop everything she was doing and just stare straight ahead. She would be totally unresponsive for 30 or so seconds, and then resume what she was doing as if nothing had happened.

Our pediatrician, who thankfully is a personal friend to both ZZ and me, took no chances and immediately ordered CT scans and blood work on Presley. Both were done today.

As of this evening, Presley has been diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis, a condition in which calcium deposits form on major organs like the brain, eyes, kidneys, skin and heart. Presley has tested positive for deposits on her brain and more tests will be run to look for other areas.

Many, many people live perfectly normal lives with TSC, while others are profoundly affected. There is no way to predict how a person will be affected and there is no cure or treatment for the disease. Presley's behavior is positively linked to TSC.

So I'm asking for prayers for Presley and for her entire family - for healing, for peace and for acceptance. Presley was a gift from God four years ago when Brian and ZZ were desperate for another child. She was created by God for her parents and they never let a day go by without thanking the Lord that she became theirs. If you remember her adoption story, it almost didn't happen.

Please pray, too, for the doctors who will treat Presley. Hope is in their work.

Thank you.

Erin

Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance

July 14, 2006

My very good friend Alicia blogs every few days about the comings and goings in her household. She has an executive-by-day, volunteer-firefighter-by-night-and-weekend husband and two precious little boys. There is never a lack of excitement or humor in her house and I love to read her blog.

One of the things that she does is quote her oldest, JamesThomas, 3, in some of his more spectacular sayings. She calls it the "JamesThomas Quote of the Day." There are more than a few that have made me laugh out loud.

Well, I think the time has come for me to include some of Devin's funnier sayings, starting today. I'll title them, "Devin's Doozies." Thanks for the idea, Alicia.

Devin is currently being punished for taking a pen and marking on my solid wood footboard. Does anyone know what will get ballpoint ink out of maple?

So, in my need to make him understand that I am this close to killing him, I packed up all of the toys in his room and made him sit on his bed. As expected, he fell asleep, but woke up way too early when the trash truck outside scared him.

I told him that even though he was awake, he was expected to stay in his room, sans toys, until I told him he could come out.

True to toddlerhood, every few minutes he would arrive at the top of the stairs and ask, "Can I come out now?" My answer was a steadfast, "No."

A few minutes ago, though, I heard rustling in his room -- a sure sign of fun being had. I wouldn't have any of that!

I went into his room and saw that he had managed to get his Thomas the Tank Engine from one of the lower shelves in his room that I didn't think he could reach. Apparently, I was wrong, because Thomas was resting on his bed.

I asked Devin, "Why did you get Thomas down?"

Devin's Doozie is his response:

"Because I like him. He's a nice guy."

Enjoy your weekend!

July 10, 2006

Yes, I am aware that it's been a week since I last posted. But, as you know from the past, when I don't post it means that things are status quo. Such is the case this time around, too.

We're still adjusting to life as a family of five. The girls aren't exactly sound sleepers at night (but, of course, during the day they could sleep through a hurricane preceeded by a marching band), so we've been trying and trying to get them on a schedule that we can live with. For the last week or so, it's gone mostly like this:

8 PM: bathtime, bedtime
10 PM: evening meal
10:30 PM: screaming commences from one twin
1:30 AM: meal time
2 AM: whoever wasn't screaming at 10:30 starts screaming
3:30 AM: they both finally shut up
5 AM: meal time again
6 AM: Todd's alarm goes off
6:15 AM: Devin wakes up and demands to watch the Disney Channel
Rest of the Day: Erin and Todd try to sleep when they can

Obviously, this schedule was not going to work. So we set forth a new schedule last night. It goes something like this:

8 PM: bathtime, Todd goes to bed
10 PM: evening meal (after being kept up, not put to bed)
10:30 PM: Erin sleeps with or near babies in case of crying and/or screaming
1 AM: meal time
1:30 AM: Erin does what she can to keep both girls happy
3 AM: Todd relieves Erin and takes care of the next feeding while Erin gets some sleep
6 AM: Todd gets up and makes Devin happy when he gets up. Erin continues to sleep
7:30 AM: Erin gets up to feed the babies and see Todd off to work

Okay, it's not a perfect schedule and we've only been on it one night, but it worked well. We're also doing our best to keep the babies awake during the day so they won't stay awake all night long. They slept much better last night (as did Todd and I) and here's to hoping for more of the same. I feel like a relatively normal person today.

Aside from all of this, though, the girls are doing well. We took another trip to the hospital on Friday for more blood work and they both came back extremely anemic. They are now on grape-flavored iron supplements. Boy can that stuff stain. I have purple spit up on everything I own.

In other news...

Yesterday we celebrated Devin's 3rd birthday at Chuck E. Cheese's. In attendence was the Mylar Clan along with pals Ethan, Colin, Nate, Dale, Reid and Macy. Pa-pa, Nana (my parents) and Grandpa came too, while Grandma stayed with the twins.

Now this was a great experience. In the past, we've celebrated D's birthday with a bbq at home with the family. I mean, you don't have a whole lot of friends at one and two years old*, so it's to be expected. But this year, we needed to do something more than just have the cousins and grandparents over and boy am I glad we did.

For the past two years, we've purchased fajitas, fixins and sides for 15 or so people, cleaned the house to prepare for the onlsaught, spent numerous hours cooking and cleaned up after everyone left. It was a two-day event, at least.

At Chuck's place, all we did was show up. There was pizza and Sprite for each kid, along with game tokens and free reign of the place. The cake was provided, as was a personal appearance by Chuck E. Cheese himself. We got an extra table for gifts and they even cleaned up the wrapping paper during the gift-opening extravaganza. At the end, we just paid the bill (about HALF of what I would spend on a home party) and walked away. Ahhh...the sheer bliss. No cleaning, no endless bags of trash. Just the quiet solitude of the car.

So, the party was a success. Devin will officially be three tomorrow, so we'll do presents from Todd and me then, along with cake and a meal of his choice. I see chicken nuggets in our future. :)

As more exciting stuff happens in the Pruetz family, I'll post.

Love to all...

E

*My brother-in-law, Brian, has a short commentary on first and last birthdays that I'd like to share with you. I think it may ve courtesy of Jerry Seinfeld.

Your first birthday and your last birthday are almost identical. You're dressed in some outfit you didn't pick out and are wearing a diaper. Your family plops you down at a table with a cake in front of you and points to the people around you saying, "These are your friends..."

July 3, 2006

A blog quiz for all of you readers:

Who is the nurse whose name I told you to never forget? You remember the story - the wonderful woman who was less than compassionate shortly after my c-section? I told you to never forget her name. Did you?

Post a comment if you want to take a stab at it.

AND NO CHEATING! (This means you, Blake. I know how competitive you are...)

June 30, 2006

Todd has been busy snapping photos at every opportunity, so I am titling today's post as:

Gratuitous Baby Photo Montage


One word: Angels.


This is mommy heaven.


Devin with his two little sisters.


Have you ever seen anything so cute?


Our girls.


The modified "Welcome Home" sign, courtesy of PaPa.


My dad and Devin decorating the yard. I am sure our homeowner's association just loved this.


That's one happy Nana of NINE!

June 29, 2006

Working on 90 minutes of sleep. Too tired to write anything of worth. Wouldn't make sense anyway.

But I do want to share this article, shared with me by good friend and blog-inspirer Meg Beach. It goes along with my post from the 27th of June.

"Top Comments You'll Hear as a Parent of Twins"

June 27, 2006

As will be the trend in my upcoming posts, this will have to be quick. I'm sure that someone very small and very pink will be hollering for one thing or another soon.

Things are going very well here in the Pruetz house. Sleep is a very elusive thing, especially last night when Grace decided that she would cry from 1:30 a.m. until 5:30 a.m. Todd's alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. You do the math.

But aside from walking around like zombies, we couldn't be happier with our little bundles of (noisy) joy.

Today I took the girls to see their pediatrician for the first time. I harbored a lot of anxiety about the trip -- getting the girls and their stupid apnea monitors in and out of the building using the enourmous double stroller, what to do with Devin and keeping him in line (as if that's possible) and what Dr. Trexler would say. I took Addison, my eight-year-old niece with me as a diversionary tactic for Devin and she was a huge help. Learning to manuever the stroller will take some time and I'll be so darned happy when we can rid ourselves of the monitors. I felt like a bull in a china shop with all of my "equipment."

The appointment went as any other pediatrician appointment would go. Take their temps, weigh them, check limbs and joints and measure stuff. Happily, the girls are doing perfectly. Faith weighs 5 lbs, 0 oz while Grace is tipping the scales at 5 lbs, 13 oz.

Just for good measure, Dr. T sent us over to the hospital next door to do a CBC (complete blood count), just to make sure there are no abnormalities in the vitamins and minerals present in our blood.

So we packed up all of the stuff and the kiddos into the minivan (Todd calls it Black Thunder...) -- an event that takes at least seven or eight minutes -- and drove a block-and-a-half to the hospital parking lot. Once again, Addy got Devin out of the car, while I fought with the stoller, got the girls out of the car and into the stroller and tried doing so without setting off the very loud monitors. Success. But it took nearly ten minutes. I kid you not.

The hospital was fine and the bloodwork looks good. Both girls are perfectly healthy.

But my first outing with Faith and Grace was an eye-opening experience. The world loves a set of twins. The world especially loves a set of identical twins. And the world has no problem letting you know how much it loves them.

I'm not usually one to shy away from attention. In fact, give me the spotlight and it'll take a hook to get me off stage. But when it comes to my very small, very premature children, I get a little antsy. And so, as stranger after stranger after stranger stopped to say, "Oh look twins!" or to tell me about their niece in Chicago who had quadruplets last summer, I started to get a little frustrated. First of all, I couldn't get three feet without someone stopping me. Secondly, why did they all feel the need to touch them??? I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

As we were leaving the hospital, a tour was coming through and when we passed them, all 15 or 20 men and women sighed, "Awwwww..." in unison. Do they rehearse this stuff?

Okay. I'm outta here. Devin is requesting a "Thomas the Tank Engine" book this evening and I must oblige. Poor kid -- his center-of-attention status has been ripped away. He's doing well though. We're very proud.

Pray for sleep for us. We need it. :)

E

June 25, 2006

By now, you've probably figured out that the girls are home. Otherwise, I would have posted something here! But between feedings every three hours, sleepless nights and trying to keep a toddler entertained, writing has sort of become an elusive pasttime. I have a few minutes now that the girls are fed and Devin and Todd are downstairs.

We started this whole process with the rooming-in experience at the hospital. Personally, I think it was a huge waste of time. I mean, I understand that the situation is different because the girls are preemies and because there are two of them. But really, the only difference is that I was up every three hours to feed them. Otherwise, I may as well have been at home. There was nothing significant about the event.

I was up at 8:00 on Friday morning and, after feeding the girls, I jumped in the shower and got dressed so that I could be ready for discharge. I was ready to get my girls home!

And then I waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.

With NICU discharge, you have to jump through a lot of hoops before they let you go. I needed to see the respiratory therapist, the physical therapist, the lactation consultant, the doctor and the nutitionist before I could even get the paperwork started.

And, of course, this is a hospital, so each of these people are own his or her own schedule. I was hoping to be out of there by 11:00. We left at 4:45.

It was fun, though, in that Dad, Jean and my stepsister Amanda all came to the hospital to see the babies. They stuck around for the discharge (Todd was there too, of course) and it was this big celebration as they wheeled me out of the room with my two pink bundles in my arms. Dad got lots of video -- It's so awesome.

We arrived home around 5:30 and shortly thereafter, Dad, Jean and Amanda arrived with a full party of fun -- balloons, pink plates, napkins and forks, champagne, etc. ZZ showed up with a seven-foot-tall inflatable stork for the front yard and Dad put out a sign that once read, "It's a Girl," but that he modified to say, "It's Girls!" The entire Devins/Buller/Mylar/Pruetz family dined on Pei Wei and celebrated the twins' homecoming.

The dust cleared a few hours later and it was just me, Todd, Devin and the girls. It was so nice to have the whole family together at last.

The past couple of nights haven't been easy, but did anyone expect differently? Around 4:00 this morning, after only a few brief moments of sleep here and there, I told Todd, "Let's put them in separate cribs and see if they are more comfortable apart than they are together."

Sure enough, with one in the pack-n-play and one in the bassinet, they slept much better. No doubt they love to be together, but they scootch around too much to be comfortable right up on one another when they sleep.

So now I type, bleary-eyed and hazy, but living and so happy to have all three of my kids (wow!) at home.

As soon as I get a little bit of sleep, I'll type more. Remind me to tell the story of our first night at home with the girls and how their apnea monitors, all seven of our smoke detectors and our intrusion alarm all went off at the exact same time. It's a real hoot. :)

With love,
Erin

June 22, 2006

It's been a wild and wooly few days here in the Pruetz household. Let me see if I can make this quick (sure -- and hell's about to freeze over...).

Currently, my entire family is vacationing at Lake LBJ. We do this every year -- my dad and stepmom rent a house in some mutually agreeable place and the two of them along with ZZ, myself, our four stepsisters and all of their families spend a week of family time together. It's tons and tons of fun.

But this year was a problem because of the girls and Todd's new job. So we decided not to go. But then I thought about it. Lake LBJ is only 90 minutes from here -- Devin and I could easily drive up, spend one night and drive back, giving us both a little vacation. We decided to do it and we left Tuesday morning after I went to see the girls.

But we almost didn't go because I got the news that the girls would be coming home on Thursday (today)!

That's right -- Faith and Grace have been deemed well enough to come home! It's been a long five weeks and there's still a lot to do around here. I don't even have any diapers for them! So much to think about...

But I decided that Devin (who's feeling a little neglected these days) and I needed one last hurrah before the girls come home and we went to the lake. We rode in the pontoon boat, Devin (along with Aunt ZZ, since I can't get into the water yet) was pulled in an intertube behind the boat (it was a disaster -- he was terrified), swam in the pool, took a tour of a local cave system and generally had fun just hanging around. Lake LBJ is beautiful and the cabin we rented was spectacular.

We returned yesterday afternoon to get the final preparations made for the arrival of the rest of the family to our home.

On my way back, though, I got a phone call from the nurse-practitioner in the NICU. Apparently, both Faith and Grace had had apnea episodes during a feeding on Tuesday. Apnea isn't much to worry about as long as it's happening during feeding times. It just means they got a little ahead of themselves and forgot to breathe. Pretty typical, even at their gestation.

Regardless, they want to send both girls home with Apnea monitors. It's a machine that will tell you if they don't breathe for 15 seconds. It's a safeguard, but I'm pretty happy to have it. Peace of mind for me, if nothing else.

They also want me to "room-in" with the girls tonight. It's a dry run, often done with families of preemies and/or multiples. It gives you a chance to sleep in the same room with your kids and do everything just like you would at home, but have a nurse at your disposal should you need one. I'm not tickled about spending another night at Chateau de Methodist, but if it means my girls will come home, then I'll do it.

So, we're pushing the homecoming back from today until tomorrow. If all goes well tonight, then we'll just do discharge in the morning and I'll be home with three kids by lunchtime.

I can't lie here -- I've got a certain amount of anxiety. In fact, I have a lot of anxiety. How am I going to do this? How does one take three kids to the grocery store? Where do I put the two car seats? Where does Devin sit? Devin is also a pretty typical three-year-old boy. He's loud, rambunctious and defiant at times. How am I going to get him to behave when I'm trying to take care of two infants? It's a full time job as it is.

I know that I did this when I was about to be hospitalized. I over-thought the whole thing and was a victim of my own mind. But I know the next few months are going to be very tough and I apologize in advance if I go for a long time without updating this blog. Luckily, writing it therapeutic for me, so maybe this blog can be my escape. We'll see...

But certainly my joy and relief over Faith and Grace coming home is outweighing my anxiety. They'll finally be here. Five weeks, to-the-day, since they were born and home they will come. It's a dream come true.

More updates to come...

E